I’m sitting at Frankfurt International Airport, luggage packed, boarding pass in hand, and for the first time since arriving in Germany, I feel still enough to reflect. Germany was never meant to be permanent for me; but it was real, formative, and undeniably shaping.
Living here taught me things I didn’t know I needed to learn.
The Culture Shock No One Prepares You For
Germany taught me bureaucracy in its purest form. Paperwork for the paperwork. Appointments to submit documents so you can later make another appointment. Forms that must be printed, signed, scanned, mailed, and sometimes physically delivered; only to be told you’re missing one page.
Efficiency is often associated with German culture, but what I learned is that efficiency exists withing the system, not outside of it. And if you’re an outsider, especially an American, you quickly realize that urgency is non universal. Germans move at their own pace; methodically, deliberate, unbothered. Until it comes to payments. Those must be immediate. No delays. No excuses.
That contrast was one of my biggest lessons.
German Temperament & Social Distance
From my own persona experience, Germans are not rude, but they are reserved. Polite, but not warm in the way American often expect. Small talk is minimal. Smiles are earned. Trust is slow.
As a single Black African American woman, that distance felt amplified. Not always in overt ways, but in subtle ones; energy, tone, lack of curiosity. I was often reminded that I was foreign, even when I followed the rules, respected the culture, and tried to integrate.
Dating? That chapter was already closed long before Germany. I gave that up four years ago, intentionally. Still, there was no mutual interest either way. And honestly, that was fine. My focus was survival, stability, and building a life; not romance.
Building a Life Here Was Real, and Hard
I established a real life in Germany. An apartment. Utilities. Routines. A gym. Grocery stores. Bills. Systems. That mattered to me. I didn’t float through Europe as a tourist, I lived here.
And I learned something important:
I do want roots. Just not here.
Germany made it clear that while you can live here, you never truly belong unless you were born into the system. Outsiders are tolerated, not prioritized. And that’s okay; it’s their country. But it helped me understand what need in my next chapter.
People Make or Break the Experience
Germany itself wasn’t bad. Some experiences were even beautiful. But as with anywhere, people make or break your time. A few kind souls softened the edges. Others reinforced why this chapter had an expiration date.
I leave Germany stronger, clearer, and far more self-reliant that when I arrived.
Would I Come Back?
Absolutely — with delight.
Would I live here again?
No.
When I’m done, I’m done. And that includes the experience in totality. Germany gave me lessons, structure, discipline, and perspective; but it’s not where my roots will grow.
And that’s okay
I’m leaving Germany with gratitude, boundaries, and a deeper understanding of myself. Some chapters aren’t meant to be repeated; they’re meant to be completed.
And this one is complete.
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